The Grief of Chronic Pain: Understanding the Loss

The Loss That Doesn’t Get Talked About

Most people think of grief as something that happens after death. But when chronic pain becomes a daily part of your life, you lose more than just comfort. You may lose:

• Your job

• Your independence

• Your hobbies

• Your sense of safety

• Your relationships

• Your sense of purpose

• Your belief in who you are

  
  

You may silently ask yourself:

“Who am I now if I can’t do the things that made me… me?”

Grief Comes in Waves and That’s Normal

You may not recognize it as grief at first. Maybe you thought you were just feeling down or “lazy.” But many people go through a cycle of:

• Denial – “I’ll bounce back any day now.”

• Anger – “This isn’t fair. Why is this happening to me?”

• Sadness – “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

• Fear – “Will I be like this forever?”

• Acceptance – “This is my reality, but I can still have a meaningful life.”

  
  

One of our patients, Elena, described it like this:

“I kept waiting to feel ‘normal’ again. But after two years of trying to go back to my old life, I finally realized I had to start building a new one and that was when everything shifted.”

Therapy Isn’t Just for Coping; It’s for Rebuilding

Elena began pain therapy and started working with us. We helped her process grief, reframe her identity, and build a new relationship with her body and pain. Through movement retraining and ACT, she went from feeling powerless to reclaiming control over her pain flare-ups, routines, and self-image.

More Real Stories, Real Growth

David, 59, used to be an avid cyclist before developing CRPS after a knee surgery. He went into a deep depression, often isolating himself and refusing physical activity. But through our program’s combination of physical therapy, Tai Chi, and therapy, David found a new rhythm.

Janice, a former kindergarten teacher, developed fibromyalgia and had to leave her job. She felt devastated and ashamed that she couldn’t “push through.” In therapy, she learned about self-compassion, energy pacing, and narrative reframing—tools that helped her redefine her role.

How You Can Start Finding Yourself Again

Here are steps we often walk through with our patients:

Name What You’ve Lost

Give yourself permission to mourn. Write it out or speak it aloud:

• “I miss being spontaneous.”

• “I miss feeling strong.”

• “I miss being the caregiver instead of needing care.”

  
  

This is grief. It’s real. And it matters.

Reconnect With What’s Still True

Even in pain, you may still be:

• Creative

• Thoughtful

• Resilient

• A friend, a parent, a partner, a thinker

  
  

Therapy can help you rebuild an identity that includes pain but is not defined by it.

Create a New Routine That Supports Your Body & Mind

Tiny wins like brushing your hair, sitting up for a stretch, or journaling are meaningful. In our program, we work on building this routine and celebrate these just as much as the “big” milestones.

Surround Yourself With People Who Get It

Chronic pain can be isolating, but healing happens faster in community. Whether it’s therapy groups, Tai Chi classes, or pain coaching sessions, you deserve a space where your experience is seen and validated.

You’re Still In There

Pain may have changed what your days look like. It may have changed your pace, your priorities, and your plans. But you are still in there. You are still worthy, whole, and growing even if the world doesn’t always see it.

And if you’re wondering where to begin…

Begin by letting yourself grieve.

Then, let us help you rebuild, not into the old you, but into someone just as meaningful: the new you, shaped by strength, resiliency, and hope.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey.

For more information on how to cope with chronic pain, visit this link.